I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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