I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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