I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
