It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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