Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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