The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
