Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize