You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
