I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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