I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
