So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
