he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
