just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
