he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
