You work out of a Hotel?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
