I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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