how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
