Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
