I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
