Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
