Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
