i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
