I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My pussy is not your playground.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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