every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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