We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
