Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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