that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
