I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
