so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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