ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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