You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
