Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
