Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
