The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
