I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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