So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
