my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
