Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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