i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
