if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
