I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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