ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
