so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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