I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
