What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
