My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
