I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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