Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
