ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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