The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
