I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
