We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
