My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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