question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
