Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
