Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
