i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
