my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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