as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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