I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
