Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
