bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
