There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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