yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
