Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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