i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
