You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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