Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
