how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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